What's Up with Me?

I am SO behind on blog posts!  I didn't get a March update done, and now it's nearly May.  My co-op art appreciation class has been sucking almost every bit of free time, but it's almost done!  Only four more weeks!  This class hasn't just been about filling my teaching requirement.  It's also been a chance to really learn art history.  In a way, it's almost like taking a college course, only rather than reading assigned books, writing essays, and taking tests, I'm wading through ridiculous amounts of information and turning it into a half credit high school class.  I don't regret teaching, but I also am really looking forward to switching gears in June.

Have I not done this almost every year with almost every class?  Yes, but never to this extent.  I've only taught one yearlong class before, and never one with credit.  Teaching a class with credit is a whole new level of responsibility.  I don't plan on doing it again, although I would love to reteach this class next year, now that all the work is done.

So my life has consisted of my art class, diet, and spiritual growth, with a few outings thrown in for good measure.  :)  I'd like to elaborate on the spiritual growth.  It's funny how you can go for years thinking you are doing well in your Christian walk, and then you start seeing stuff about yourself that isn't so great.  It's been terrible, wonderful, and humbling.  I could write pages and pages about it and how it all started and all the things God brought together to bring me here.  It's overwhelming, and it makes me want to cry, in a good way.  Basically, what it boils down to, is that I really need the Lord.  Well, duh!  But no, I desperately need Him to help me through this major growth spurt, and it is so incredibly awesome.  I am hoping to heal from insecurity going back to childhood, insecurity I didn't know existed.  I always blamed other people and circumstances.  And I was secure in my relationship with the Lord, or so I thought.  But God's been showing me problems that affected friendships and fellowship outlets.  I'm scared I won't be fixed, I have no idea how I will be fixed, but I believe God is able.  And I don't believe He would show me these things unless He means to fix them.

Some of the things that came together to bring this about included changes in friendships this year, changes in outlets for fellowship, reading The Hiding Place (never have I cried so much reading a book), changes in parenting associated with Kylen growing up, lack of time due to the art class, a revelation on the importance of humility (learned through co-op women's Bible study), and just very recently - as in the last few days - a realization of how negative I am in my thoughts.  It started with discovering that I am a very judgmental person.  I am constantly evaluating and judging everyone and everything all the time.  And then we heard a fantastic sermon about thoughts on Sunday.  I would like to move away from negativity and toward positive communion with the Lord.  I would like my focus to be more on thankfulness and praise than on analysis.  I would like to break free of these hindrances that have affected me my entire life.  I want to love people, and I have been trying to do that all along, but I'm not sure I've made much progress.  Maybe I will now.

Thank you, Lord.  Thank you for opening my eyes.  I want to grow!

Living Water

One of our women's Bible studies was about Jesus' conversation with the Samaritan woman at the well.  He told her about living water that would spring up into everlasting life.  It occurred to me that this is an astounding reflection of God in His creation.  Though many scientists are atheists, their quest to find life in the universe often begins with water.  They are unaware of the role they are playing in a message from God, imbedded in the natural world, pointing back to Himself.  They can see the crucial part water plays in the physical realm but are blind to the thirst in their own souls.  But some will see, and drink, and live forever.

But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.

~John 4:14

Equal Measures

I always enjoy reading the Union Gospel Mission's newsletters, but Phil Altmeyer's introduction in the January edition stood out to me.  I've been meaning to share it on my blog.  Here is a link, but I'll copy and paste below just in case it gets removed at some point:

 

Equal Measures

 by Phil Altmeyer, Executive Director, Union Gospel Mission

I have an antique brass level sitting in my office where I will see it frequently and be reminded of the importance of balancing two essential components of the gospel: grace and truth.

Jesus Christ is the gospel, the good news, and John 1:14 tells us that he “came full of grace and truth.” We are often tempted to emphasize one over the other or to think of grace as the good bit and truth as the hard pill that must be swallowed with a generous spoonful of grace. But Scripture paints a completely different picture. Jesus himself says that He is the way, the truth and the life and promises that the truth will set us free.

Consider the story of Christ’s encounter with the woman at the well in Samaria. He knows the truth of her life and speaks it: “You have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband.” There’s no need for her to pretend to be something she is not. Christ knows the truth and that makes his grace-full offer of living water all the more meaningful. When the woman shares her experience with the other townspeople, she says: “He told me everything I ever did.” She is fully known (truth) and loved (grace).

Occasionally, I’ll take the level from my office on speaking engagements to make the point that when we get truth and grace out of balance, a distorted picture of the Christian walk results, and we risk building on a skewed foundation. Specifically with regard to rescue and recovery, truth without grace translates into shame and encourages outward compliance without inner transformation. Grace without truth diminishes personal responsibility and makes people dependent. Both errors obscure the beauty of the gospel: God knows you completely (the good, the bad and the ugly) and loves you unconditionally. When you believe and trust in Him, He promises to work in you, change you, make you more like Him.

The good news is the best news when we realize that Jesus Christ is the perfect marriage between grace and truth. “Mercy and truth are met together; righteousness and peace have kissed each other,” Psalm 85:10.

Please pray for us here at the Union Gospel Mission that we will keep that level balanced and build on a solid foundation – being honest with each other, holding up the mirror of Scripture, confessing our sins, forgiving one another, and reflecting the love of Christ in grace and truth.
 

This is how I want to be.  I want to uphold truth while loving people.  I don't want to compromise my values, but I want to show compassion and patience.  I may not agree with my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ on every point of doctrine, but I want to look past our differences at their hearts.  I have been dumbfounded at the number of Christians accepting and overlooking blatant sin in today's society, but I have also been dumbfounded by the Christians who shun and avoid other Christians who are obviously sincere, who have a clear devotion to Jesus, simply because they don't agree to live by all the same rules.  I think many churches emphasize either grace or truth too much.  Too often they are either overlooking destructive sin in the name of love or straying into legalism in the name of holiness.  There is a fine balance that I don't think can be obtained without the Lord's guidance, but it is the balance I look for in a church.  It's the balance I think all of us need to seek if we desire to follow our Lord in all the fullness of Salvation.  Jesus is grace and truth, the perfect solution to humanity's spiritual needs.

More of Him

Kylen and I have been reviewing portions of his astronomy book that he learned earlier in the year. The parts about light got me to thinking about how marvelously God, in His infinite wisdom, has built into nature material from which to draw spiritual lessons.

My thoughts ran thus: Light in its purest and most complete form includes every color of the rainbow. Such light is called “white” light. Black is the absence of all color. A black object will absorb all of the colors and reflect nothing. This is why black is the worst color to wear in the sun. It will heat up while absording the light. In turn, an object with all of the colors will reflect all of those colors.

God is the source of white light, and each of us is an “object” reflecting that light. The fruits of the spirit might be the various colors. Ideally, we would reflect the full spectrum by displaying all of the fruits: love, joy, peace, etc. If we are lacking in any of these areas, we are not reflecting Christ as we should. Satan, representing complete evil or the color black, is incapable of reflecting light. Any good bestowed upon him would be wasted, absorbed and lost. His end will be very hot indeed.

Let us always strive to be white lights in a dark and dieing world. Let us strive to reflect Jesus in all we say and do!

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More of Him

For the most part, I stay away from online forums, because I could easily spend all day on one. My husband stumbled across a Christianity forum on Amazon over a month ago, and he manages to be better than me about it, although he admits that sometimes he spends too much time there!

They get a full spectrum of people: every religion and denomination, atheist, too. The attitudes are just as diverse. Some are hostile and rude while others are genuinely seeking a calm, respectful exchange of dialogue. I think it has been good for Greg, because the challenges and questions have caused him to study scripture and research doctrines. He is much better equipped to give an answer of the hope that lies within.

Saturday he asked me to read one woman’s testimony. It was touching, and it paralleled his in many ways. She was answering a couple of questions one man had asked. This led me to read those two questions. I couldn’t help but be intrigued by a portion of one of them:

"I became quite disappointed in Christianity in the respect that the universe, as in the Bible, is only an afterthought in God's creation, with only one very unmeaningful and insignificant passage in Genesis about the universe and then nothing else. Then the whole rest of the Bible, and apparently God's, concerns with the myriad doings of various men and society. To me that was a shame, because the wonders of the universe are so very more beautiful and important to me than the concerns of men. I was astonished that God busied himself so much in the relatively mundane affairs and men, when there is an unimaginably vast and complex universe out there."

Ever know someone who loves nature but wants nothing to do with God? I find that to be sadly ironic. A relationship with Jesus enriches everything in our lives, including our enjoyment of his creation.

Back to the main point: I just couldn’t resist typing an answer, which Greg posted on my behalf. He told me it was well received for the most part. If you have been following my blog, you will understand the reference to decorating a son’s room. Hee-hee!

Man was the centerpiece of God’s creation. The universe and all its vast wonders were created in preparation for man.

It was the joy of a father decorating a room for his little boy.

It was the excitement of a master craftsman who worked hard on a playground and then brought his son to it.

“And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof” (Gen. 2:19). That verse warms my heart. I can almost feel God’s anticipation and pleasure in seeing Adam name the animals. “Look, son! Look at all these animals I made! I can hardly wait to see what you will name them!” :)

This Great Carpenter filled His world with many extraordinary things, and then he put into man the ability to enjoy them. He scattered patterns, color, and texture throughout, and then He placed in man’s eye the ability to derive pleasure from what he would see. He filled the world with diverse flowers and gave us the ability to smell them. He made all kinds of food and gave us the ability to taste. He allowed us to take part in the creation of life…in the creation of our own kind and gave us the ability to enjoy the process of reproduction. He used His limitless creativity to make it all diverse and interesting…and then He gave man the desire to learn new things and discover.

It was the all-powerful, all-knowing Creator longing for love and companionship, just as we long for it. He wanted someone He could talk to and spend time with. And he loved man, oh so very much! Still does! But he gave him a free will. He wanted man to love Him back on His own…and man had every reason to do that. Why shouldn’t we love our Creator Who made a beautiful universe for us? Why shouldn’t we adore the One who longs only for the things any father would long for from his child? Someone Who only wants to see us enjoy and appreciate His gifts next to His side. It wouldn’t even make sense not to love God.

Man wasn’t made **for** the universe, you see. It’s the other way around. Those of us who have a loving relationship with Him have all of eternity to enjoy His blessings. What God is really concerned about is that as many of us as possible will be able to do that. He’s working to save us from ourselves! There is no reason for God to devote large amounts of His Word on the planets and their inner workings. Think about this: Your son is about to experience a terrible death or a glorious life, and what are you going to write in your letter to him? Are you going to describe the details of how you built his dresser, or are you going to warn him about the agony of choosing the wrong path?

What is amazingly tragic is the way man has responded to God’s love and kindness. God was battered and abused long before Jesus came. He’s seen man look past Him to worship other parts of His creation – trees and planets, the sun and moon. He’s seen man call inanimate things gods. He’s watched in horror as man has inflicted pain and suffering on himself and others for the sake of imaginary gods. He’s seen man run after all manner of disgusting, harmful, unhealthy pursuits. And when He can’t stand to see these things any longer, after plenty of warning, He takes action, as He should.

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More of Him Monday

I have noticed lately that a very common problem for Christian homeschooling moms is the “Martha Stewart Syndrome.” We know that perfection in every area of our lives is entirely impossible and unrealistic. For one thing, we don’t have enough time to be everything and do everything. Yet we still try and end up feeling depressed and overwhelmed when we “fail” – when the house isn’t clean enough, the meals aren’t healthy enough, and our children still don’t know enough history. I am not immune to this dilemma.

How do we bring everything down to essentials?

I believe we are called simply to please God. Exactly how do we please God? By nurturing a close, personal, and loving relationship with Him. Such a relationship will naturally result in obedience and an eternal home in heaven. He said that we obey Him if we love Him (John 14:21). That’s because obedience follows love.

Our attention is not focused on getting to heaven. God does not want us to serve Him for a reward any more than we would want our children to obey us just for a reward. I enjoy my husband’s company and wish we could be together forever. In the same way, spending eternity with Jesus is a wonderful byproduct of our love for Him.

Our attention is not focused on ministry. What God longs for most is our love and adoration, not our service. Service will naturally flow from love. There were times I longed to do more but didn’t know how. Then, I found that when I drew closer to Jesus, I stopped worrying about it. Instead of looking for ministry opportunities, suddenly they came to me. I saw opportunities everywhere. In one of our Christmas cards I worded this experience something like, “Where there once was a small window I now see thousands of shining doors.” I didn’t worry about what to do, it just sort of flowed naturally to me. God would bring something to mind, and I’d do it!

Our attention is not focused on being good wives, daughters, mothers, sisters, grandparents, friends and mentors. Rather our eyes are fixed on Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith, our precious Saviour, the One who died for us! Take our eyes off Him to look around, and we start to sink! If we have the kind of relationship with Him that He longs for and that we long for, everything else will fall into place.

I feel that what Christian Homeschooling moms need to focus on is their own personal relationship with Jesus. He needs to come first. Praying, reading His Word, talking to Him all day long, praising Him at every opportunity…

Recently I read on someone’s blog that she is working on being a Mary instead of a Martha. That’s exactly how I feel right now! Lately I’ve been distracted by many things and have not spent enough time on my personal relationship with Jesus. It has been weighing on me the last few days. Please pray for me as I work on this!

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More of Him

What a wonderful blessing it is when God answers a question I’ve long been pondering! “Why does God allow horrible things to happen?” Recently, I heard a true story about a man who gave his heart to Jesus after carrying out an order to kill a large group of missionaries – men, women, and children. He had been amazed at their peace in the face of death and wondered if their God would forgive him for his horrific crimes – a man of war well acquainted with murder. This one precious soul was saved at the price of many lives.

I believe this is one of the main reasons bad things happen. God sees everything as revolving around souls being saved. As sad as He is to see any suffering on this earth, He is immensely sadder to see any soul lost for all eternity. Because of His great love for every single person, He will bring about circumstances just right so that anyone with a willing heart will receive Him. I’m certain every one of those missionaries would say it was worth dieing. Wouldn’t it be worth a million lives if just one more person made it to heaven?

When things don’t go the way I think they should, I often say, “There could be a soul at stake,” and it puts everything into perspective.

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Your Cross

A forward I got through e-mail: Think about this.

He made your CROSS the perfect size; its weight, width and length are exactly what he knows you need to get you to the other side. He will never, ever give you more than you can handle, no matter how fierce you think the storms are. They are exactly what you need.

GOD IS AWESOME! HIS GRACE IS ALWAYS SUFFICIENT!